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Professor of Smurfology ...

Obtainer of rare smurftiquities ...

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Stock-quote-Clowns will eat me

I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play ...

You know, whenever I decide that I'm going to try something new my mind goes into overdrive and suddenly I'm not just trying something new, I'M EXCELLING IT AT SO AWESOMELY THAT THE WORLD STANDS IN AWE AND CAN'T TEAR IT'S EYES AWAY!

I like to call this "An Excess of Awesomeness Syndrome".

To illustrate:
If I decide I'm going to teach myself how to cook, as soon as the thought takes root my mind decides that I'm not teaching myself how to cook so much as spontaneously becoming the BEST COOK ON THE PLANET WHO CAN CREATE THINGS OUT OF NOTHING AND MAKE IT TASTE GOOD AND EVERYBODY WEEPS WHEN I DRAMATICALLY UNCOVER MY LATEST DISH! Nevermind that I'm completely aware that it's not going to happen. We all remember the time I cooked the frozen pizza with the cardboard still attached to the bottom, don't we? My mind has built this whole scenario where I'm standing in the kitchen while the pots and pans dance around me and cook everything to my exact specifications and it turns out perfectly.

Which makes me kind of awesome.

Example no. 2:
Now I'm going to write a book! This book is going to be awesome. There are going to be werewolves! And fighting! And people dying! And it's TOTALLY GOING TO WIN THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE BECAUSE ONCE PEOPLE READ IT IT WILL END WORLD HUNGER AND UNICORNS AND ELVES WILL FROLIC IN THE FIELDS AND EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPY AND BLISSFUL! Now, one part of my mind is like, "Kelly, I really doubt your porny werewolf novel is going to be picked up by Oprah and make the world a better place." But the other part, the part that suffers from an Excess of Awesomeness, is like, "Fuck that! It's going to win the motherfucking Nobel Peace Prize and the world will grovel at your feet and you will be Supreme Ruler of All Things That Live!" I try to temper the Excess of Awesomeness side but it leaks through constantly and I'm like *steepling fingers and cackling diabolically*, "Supreme Motherfucking Ruler of All Things That Live!" Then I go back to writing my Nobel Peace Prize winning novel.

Which make me kind of super, duper awesome.

So, yes. I suffer from An Excess of Awesomeness. The only way I figure I can tame it is to write the Nobel Peace Prize winning novel so that I stand on top of the world while the pots and pans dance around me and make a magnificent meal.

The end.

PS: Please note that I'm still listening to the same song I was listening to yesterday. This is probably all part of the Excess of Awesomeness Syndrome. I'm not sure how, but I'm sure it all relates. Somehow.